Looking for ways to celebrate Family Day? How about reflecting on what family means to you.

For Ruby – a former youth in care – family means thinking about things differently and trading the traditional definition in for one that works for her.

Now in her second year of university studying child and youth care, Ruby wants to inspire those that come from challenging family situations to know that they have the power to create their own support networks and sense of family.

“When I was little, I used to go to my grandma’s on occasion and make cookies. Despite never following a set recipe, her cookies were delicious every time,” recalls Ruby. “My grandma is a wise lady. Why? She is wise because she taught me that a family is not always made using the same recipe with this many parents and that many siblings. Instead, it’s about mixing together the people that love you.”

For Ruby, thinking about family as a recipe and something she has control over and can build for herself is empowering when she thinks about the family she was born into.

“Being a former youth in care, my family looks a little different than some,” noted Ruby. “Some people have parents who support them financially – I receive support from funding for former youth in care. Some people have parents who provide them emotional support – my family causes me emotional strain. Some people have parents who get them through the barriers – my family’s situation was a barrier I had to overcome. Some people have families who spend Christmas together – I never have concrete plans surrounding the holidays. Some people have family traditions like summer camping trips – my family has the traditions of domestic violence and coping skills that involve substance abuse.”

“In choosing my new family, it was important to look at what I needed,” says Ruby. “Like any good recipe, I knew creating the perfect balance was key. I needed someone who would support me. I needed someone who could connect me with resources. I needed someone who would listen to my ideas. I needed someone who added a little bit of critical analysis to my plans. I needed someone to call and check in with me. I needed someone who saw my barriers as little bumps in the road. I needed someone who helped me see myself and encouraged healthy change.”

Today, Ruby considers her youth worker, counsellor and a combination of other individuals she has welcomed in to her life as her family.

“These people, who are by no means perfect, are now my family and are the people who saved me at varying times in my life,” Ruby explains. “They love, we disagree, they get me, I get them, and we share distant and close connections. These people are my people and together they make up my family.”

Having benefited from some time spent in a foster family, Ruby encourages all British Columbians thinking about family planning to consider opening up their homes and hearts to one of B.C.’s children in care.

“Families take a little bit of this, and whole lot of that – every recipe is different and some even call for a secret ingredient, which my grandma always said was love (when really it was extra butter),” jokes Ruby. “My advice for everyone this Family Day is to remember that there is no pre-set perfect recipe for family. Instead, add what you think you need and enjoy your creation.”

When enjoying your loved ones this Family Day, take some time to learn about how you can make a lasting difference in the life of a child.

Quick Facts:

• Foster family homes are the primary placement resource for children in care in British Columbia.
• These homes support children and teens who are unable to live with their traditional family for reasons of abuse, neglect, emergency or tragedy.
• 60% of children in care in B.C. are Aboriginal compared to only 12% of B.C.’s foster parents. There is a need for more Aboriginal families willing to foster so that all children in care can maintain their cultural and community connections.
• In B.C., anyone who is 19 years of age or older and able to meet the day-to-day duties and responsibilities of caring for a child or youth may apply to become a foster parent.
• Foster parents must be in good physical and mental health and must receive training and undergo background, criminal record and reference checks. On average, the approval process takes three months.
• Once the approval process is successfully completed, new foster parents sign an agreement outlining their responsibilities and complete the 53-hour B.C. Foster Care Education Program within two years.

Learn More:

Foster Family Month in B.C. information kits: www.mcf.gov.bc.ca/foster/ffm.htm

B.C. Federation of Foster Parent Associations: www.bcfosterparents.ca/